Do you love yourself?

Trust me when I say I was the most co-dependent person you could ever meet in my old way of thinking.  Now it is so much more enjoyable to be at a place of allowing myself to be whole – to choose loving thoughts and actions for me with less thoughts of fear.  

How many times growing up in the Bible belt South had the biblical mandate of “Love your neighbor as yourself” rang through my ears and yet the part of “as yourself” just got overlooked?  

I understand it now and that understanding has led to relationships that are so much more fulfilling!

A lesson that keeps crossing my path and has become the center of my thoughts is 

“Am I approaching this choice, this person, or this situation 

from a place of fear or of love?”

My intentions have been, and are continuing to be, re-set from a place deep within.  

This place listens to me – my feelings, my heart rate, the pit of my stomach, the set of my jaw, the muscles in my shoulders and the quality of my sleep.  

This place asks loving questions within such as: “how do you feel about this?”, “does this person speak from a place of love or of judgment?”, “is this what you want in your life?”, “do you deserve better?” “are you happy?”, “do you feel powerless in this?”  

After I stop to question myself, then comes time to address it from a place of love – love for me – as well as my ‘neighbor’.

Excuse the French, but I have to share a funny story. Recently I went to a huge country camp out party with my best friend who does not drink coffee. Well…I do….every morning. No coffee…no wakeee…and then the day goes downhill from there.  To go get coffee at the big house required a bit of time, and missing the quiet morning beside the river so I was procrastinating and had just asked him if he wanted any. Of course he made it a point to give me a hard time with some comment of if I needed coffee that badly why didn’t I make sure I brought some?  

Karma arrived in the form of a fellow camper who offered me a large coffee from his stash. Well, since I was the one who was obviously addicted to the coffee bean drug I did not consider offering my healthy friend any of the fresh hot brew.  A few minutes later he mentions that NOW he wished he had some.  At that point I offered him some of mine….he walks away …within a safe range and mumbles loud enough for me to barely hear him “that’s okay….stingy bitch.” 

He’s not the kind of person to say something like that to me so I replied “I’m sorry ….what did you say?” He turned red and repeated it with a hint of a grin.  I busted out laughing and in that wonderful  freeing moment forgot the clutch on my mouth and said “Oh my gosh! I think I just had an orgasm…….say it again!”  Now he really blushed, grinned and said it more loudly and we both just laughed.  I felt like someone had handed me the keys to a brand new car! 

Seriously……….in learning to let go of taking care of so much in life I had been referred to as a “stingy bitch” and in that moment there were no words that could have been sweeter to my ears.  He was of course just giving me a hard time but unknown to him…..those were words of healing…..deep words of healing and like a touch from heaven that reminded me I am learning to let go.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so in conclusion I want to share the first 3 years of my journey after the divorce in this photo.  Yes…..in letting go…….the weight began to come off but more importantly notice the eyes.  

Now, take a moment every day and ask your body – look in your eyes and allow the answer to come to you to the question “do you love yourself as much as you love your neighbor.”

3 year Transformation starting from right to left.

Written by Debbie Kesley


Remembering the Cocoon of Love

Safe, inviting, a place you never want to leave
Remember it and feel it now.

It is brilliant, warm and ever so peaceful!
Release does not begin to describe the sensation of
relaxation that is found in this place of belonging.
Trusting… total trust in the protective cocoon
that surrounds your very being.

Is it birth?
The first gasp of breath; the succumbing into
a new experience you have never entered into before:
the liberation from one place you have known and grown out of,
to be delivered into a new, mysterious dimension of expansion.

Is it creation?
The exhale of breath, the sexual orgasmic freeing from two
bodies that project an expansion of energy so intense
that a new life is created from that vibrational union –
releasing a new life into a cocooned womb of love.

Is it spiritual?
A transfer of Supreme, pure love so strong
it draws your breath away, as you yield into a
Presence so intense, warm and light- filled that
you never want to leave the cocoon that embraces your very soul.

Is it mystical?
Angel’s wings that enfold you after you have sobbed
your deepest, loneliest breath, before surrendering to a Higher Power;
simply to awaken later wrapped in an invisible blanket of protection 
so real you bask in it's comfort without a care in the world.

Is it death?
That exacting breath that gives up the physical suit
we call a body with all of its human limitations;
only to soar like the wind into a Spiritual form
which knows no boundaries.

Breath… release….total release before
Entering the place of presence,
where the love is most profoundly intense.
The cocoon of absolute protection where there is no place of fear
But Only of love – the purest existence of love.

Written by:
 Debbie Kesley


What if Divorce "Just Is" ??

What if divorce is not really “good” or “bad”?   
What if divorce “just is?

Six years ago I took my pathetic, broken, weepy-sad-self to the beauty shop to get my hair done.  

While setting there the cosmetologist starts the chat with “so honey……..are you married?
I replied, “I was married…….23 years.”  She asks, “to the same man?!?”
My answer, “Yes, but he has just filed for divorce.”   

She looks at me… smiles real purty… chomps her gum for a few seconds and says enthusiastically…………….

Well honey…..congratulations…..you are about to have the best time of your life!!”   and then she proceeds to drape me with the black cloth which in my mind at that moment was another death yet to come….the death of my pretty hair because obviously this lady was ‘on crack’ and I was too emotionally weak to take a stand and walk out before allowing a crazy person to do my hair.

Today I am pleased to report that she did a great job on my hair and her prediction has indeed come true! 

True,    Divorce for me was like taking my big toe nail and slowly pulling it off with no pain killer. The shock, the raw emotions, the emotional pain and the break-up of the family I had built for my entire adult life was coming to an end.

However………..I have come to believe that I can no longer define it as “bad” because the tool of Divorce has brought more “good” into my life than any single one life event ever has.

My encouragement to ladies going through a divorce now is to
view the “ending” of a marriage as the “beginning” of a new journey. 

Take the time to go through each of the Stages of Grief……get counseling…..dial a friend…..rest….do whatever it takes to find forgiveness and then begin to write your new story where you are the Creator.
What things do you want to do? Where do you want to go?  Who do you want to make time for? What is it you have never done for yourself because you were dividing your time with a spouse?

We all have the power to choose our thoughts and to direct our energies.  Those thoughts turn into actions and our actions are the basic building blocks for our life (Our Story). 

Release the old married story and think of yourself as Pure Possibility while considering the ideal that maybe 
is not 
maybe it 
“just is” 
the tool 
placed lovingly 
into your hand 
The Universe. 

That tool can be used to Build or Bash ……..  either way….
it is in your hand now 
and you are the Creator.  

See me now girlfriend…..chomping gum…..smiling real purty at you with eyes that know……..

I am saying
  Congratulations Honey!!!   
you are Pure Possibility and 
are about to create 
the time of YOUR life!

Written by  Debbie Kesley


Held Hostage by Thoughts or Other Shackles?

Part of the definition of Shackles is : anything that restrains freedom of expression or action.

What area of your life is currently holding you hostage?

Shackles come to us women in many different forms, some of which may be:
*Our past that needs to be healed.
*Emotionally or physically abusive relationships.
*Personal drugs or alcohol abuse.
*Sexual addiction.
*Lack of eduction.
*Fear of the unknown.
*Fear of failure.
*Fear of success.
*Obese shells hiding the beautiful inner self.
*The voice between our own ears.

........ the list varies from one unique individual to the next.

However, as unique women we are also innately designed with the ability to remove the shackles that have us bound.

For instance, a friend and I were talking this morning about temper. I lost mine yesterday for the first time in over 2 years and I did not like the way I felt about myself after the fact. My particular situation requires of me to occasionally lay down my silly, sunny, sweet disposition and pick up the red lipstick again. The red lipstick is the emotional tool I need to bring out the Pitbull from within myself for a little "back off buddy action". I refer to myself during those necessary standoffs as "A pitbull with lipstick."

Generally the Pitbull Within is only called upon for my personal survival rings in life. Determination is my Pitbull's name and winning is her game! If you try to put a collar, leash, fenced in yard or any other restraint on Determination to restrict her freedom of expression or action......... there is going to be a fight!

Ladies, it can be a fight that is sometimes won with one simple "NO" at a time. NO...to emotionally or abusive relationships. NO...to Sexual, drug or alcohol abuse. NO...to the voice in your head that tells you an opinion of someone else's lie.

Sometimes we can win our freedom by saying YES! YES...I owe it to myself to get counseling to let go of pain that is still requiring some healing. YES...to taking one class at a time until I have the education to make a dream come true for myself. YES...to jumping arms wide open into the world of the unknown chance of success. YES...to a job that may challenge me but take me to a world of greater wealth. YES...to walking and counting calories to really feel good in my own skin and clothes.

You and I are the not alone in this Journey called Life!

Written by  Debbie Kesley

"We come to recognize that God is unlimited in supply and that everyone has equal access." Julia Cameron


Removing the Shackles,

PS:  Movie I recommend:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0422093/  Diary of a Mad Black Woman