The Gift of Divorce

Given a Divorce?   Then Get a Life!

The Gift of Divorce was given to me after 23 years, basically overnight. 

Long story short….married at age 19. Background was stay at home mom and then home school mom.  My family life was the only thing I had known my entire adult life.

My personal 9-11 had hit home. The first year I cried a lot when not in shock it seemed. Everything I had created for 23 years was destroyed.

AND  Now 7 years later, this month, since I’ve been on my own... this is SOME of the highlights of that journey. For those in the beginning of your journey……you get to choose to live and even live life better as who you truly are.

  • Released anger toward God – complete with breaking 12 sets of wedding china.
  • Saw a Private Counselor for 3 months.
  • Took a 12 week Divorce Recovery Course.
  • Met with a Stephen Ministries Counselor for 3 months.
  • Cried an awful lot.
  • Drove in Atlanta rush hour traffic for the first time.
  • Parked in a parking garage for the first time.
  • Sought full time employment after 18 years of being a stay at home mom.
  • Took a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Course.
  • Filed my own taxes for the first time.
  • Built my personal credit from nothing.
  • Signed an individual lease for my first apartment.
  • Bought my first new car by myself.
  • Created & filed forms with the State, represented myself and won my  Contempt of Court case.
  • Dealt directly and head on with an IRS Officer.
  • Tried becoming a vegetarian.
  • Developed a public Blog.
  • Buried kittens and my daughter’s dog with her when no one else would.
  • Helped a family member wean off of prescription morphine.
  • Got a few full body messages and pedicures at last.
  • Drove my own moving truck from GA to TN.
  • Lost 8 dress sizes.
  • Laughed out loud from the inside out.
  • Radically enjoyed sex in my relationships.
  • Said what I actually felt and thought.
  • Re-discovered my love of cowboy boots and blue jeans.
  • Chose my own style of Faith that was right with my Spirit.
  • Learned ballroom, line dancing and two-stepping and loved it!
  • Settled into a natural/organic/hippy/earthy style of decorating.
  • Began writing again.
  • Entered my first writing in a magazine (awaiting the results).
  • Tossed all the "imposed married" holiday traditions and recipes out.
  • Made homemade pizzas and watched Elf with my grown kids on Christmas.
  • Learned to say "not no...but Hell NO!"
  • Learned to say not only “yes….but Hell Yeah! – Why Not?”
  • Gave away the Christmas angels and brought in the Christmas elves.
  • Left the hymnals and the organs in the funeral home. 
  • Welcomed and trusted my intuition again.
  • Took me, myself and I, out to a picnic in the park, the movies, and other interesting places.
  • Agreed to be kidnapped by the office girls to go to a male strip club for the first time.
  • Got accidently drunk from Patron at a Jimmy Buffet Concert.
  • Got my first psychic reading.
  • Took my first limo ride with my first gay friend.
  • Sold all my stuff and took a working vacation in Santa Cruz, California for 8 months.
  • Made love by a creek, under a TN bridge in broad daylight with my boyfriend.
  • Enjoyed motorcycle rides.
  • Attended outside Jazz festivals.
  • Played in the park.
  • Went to Seaworld with my brother and played like kids.
  • Great times out with my Girlfriends.
  • Went on a date to my first Polo match.
  • Attended my first Criterium and BBQ.
  • Sang Karaoke with my daughter several times.
  • Waltzed with a Vet in a wheelchair in TX, everyone cleared the floor and clapped for us when we were done.
  • Enjoyed Renaissance Festivals with my son.
  • Experienced a 17 car pile-up in California.
  • Traveled by car with my daughter from CA to GA.
  • Traveled by car from GA to CA with my Brazilian Boyfriend.
  • Watched a dolphin, sea otter, whale and sea lion play from the shoreline in CA.
  • Walked on the cliff above the ocean during strong hurricane winds with my Brother in CA.
  • I learned to walk away from those who did not treat me with respect.
  • Went to the High Museum of Art and made the security officers laugh with fake Bubba teeth.
  • Been jet skiing – and flew off at 45 mph, only to get back on the saddle again.
  • Wonderful day at the Atlanta Aquarium with my best friend.
  • Walked barefoot in the dewy grass just because.
  • Took my first yoga class.
  • Colored my hair and got a new look.
  • Expanded my style of music.
  • Watched a sunrise at the lake with a friend.
  • Went on a road trip with my best friend to Virginia to camp by a river.
  • Dressed up for Halloween and went to a party with a friend.
  • Celebrated the coming in of the New Year every year.
  • Developed my spiritual gifts.
  • Became a mentor to other single women.
  • I figured out I was a pretty smart lady.
  • I can be a pit bull with lip stick if pushed far enough.
  • I can actually cook.
  • Went skinny dipping under the stars and bright moon with a friend .
  • Attended Country Music concerts.
  • Released judgmental people and attitudes from my life to go judge else where.
  • Met and had a picture taken with Jeff Foxworthy.
  • Attended my first Rally for Justice with my daughter.

And over those 7 years I’ve experienced some love, lust and loneliness but always took a gift away for myself in the experience.  Not regretting a single one of the men who came into my life.

Danced like no one was watching with my Brazilian boyfriend  in the parking lot & to live musicians on the streets in San Fran. We danced outside a restaurant in the biggest summer rain storm ever & every restaurant that ever played music and had a little space.
He reminded me to laugh again and know that I was desirable. 
I learned that I want dance, laughter and child-like moments in my relationship.

Joined my Cowboy boyfriend to horse barrel/shooting competitions, dancing at  my first Gay Bar, horse trail rides and a hay ride party. We enjoyed many times hanging out at his lake house just being together. He introduced me to a higher quality of life and raised my value in myself as a woman.
I want some gentleness and assurance my man has a plan of thought for us as we go through life in my relationship.

Had a brief fling with a very handsome, funny, Italian with a gypsy spirit like mine who made me laugh.  Sometimes when you are single as a female for a long time, you think that if you can’t beat the male thoughts then join them.  He was great for my ego for a season.
I want passion and fire in my relationship.

Had the cutest and sweetest Venezuelan guy friend and regular dance partner ever. I literally wore out 4 cowboy boot soles having a wonderful time together dancing! He kept me safely on the dance floor night after night. He was my flirty friend and playmate who kept me in “the now” of the dance, joy and rhythm of the moment. 
I want someone who can live in the 'now' in our relationship.

Met up with a long lost love of mine from when I was 17. Took a risk and a chance but no matter the long term outcome he hugged me so much, so often. that my ribs were literally sore from the “being cherished.” He held and hugged me in a way that I want to have long term with that someone special.  He reminded me how it feels to have someone draw me in and want to keep me there. 
I want to be that special cherished girl in my man’s heart and arms in our relationship.

Last but not least, is my best friend who understood and accepted me like no man ever has at a personal level. He entered my life at that time I finally and firmly decided to be myself. He loved me as a friend for exactly who I am.  He spoils me rotten while always having my best at heart….never using me.  He has set a tough standard for some man to live up to in order to get my Best Man’s approval for dating me. In this big wide world, I know I have a true friend who has always got my back.  
I want someone that I can trust with my whole heart to never be perfect but to entirely trust the heart and intent of the man is good.

I am beginning to anticipate the best gift God has saved for last in the coming together with my first real husband.....the one who was designed for me and me for him......the one who makes it natural for me to be exactly who I am because that is who he loves.

I learned that because of the bad I truly do appreciate the good.
I learned that because of the turmoil I can melt in the presence of peace.
I've experienced the powerful contrast of being endured and later being the object of someone's Delight.
I've learned that laughter is so much more savory when followed after a season of sorrow. 
I've learned that weakness has not a chance now that I have danced in the realms of strength.

I've learned that yes...........sometimes God's greatest gift can be an un-answered prayer.


My Choice

"I am purposely choosing and directing my thoughts today to line up with my intentions of living tomorrow. This is my promise to myself and my choice to make in this moment. -  Debbie Kesley " 


Stuck Sucking Air

How do we become so




Is it fear based ?  

Does the future and the unknown keep us attached to the present like a tick on an old hound dog?  

Do we possibly feed off of the resonating energy  of a past even when thlife-blood is no longer pumping through our heart?

The biggest question is are we actually living our truest life; 
the life we were designed to live 
or .....
are we simply sucking air?

Sucking air, while staying in jobs we hate - bound by the debt for a "better life?"

Sucking air, while living with spouses who make us miserable, existing day to day with frozen hearts attached to anchored bodies cemented in bondage.


Stuck.....sucking air. 

Air suckers. 


We have been duped at times. 

Deceived into believing

that the miserable 

"knowns" in life are safer 


somehow "better" than the unknowns.  

So, we each have a choice

Each moment, each day, each year our thoughts, our energy, our life blood 

   is being poured or drained into something called our one life. 

Will it be the cemented choices that keep us stuck sucking air ?  

Or rather, will we CHOOSE TO

take a risk and make a change 

that frees and releases us 

forward toward 

a life that is truly lived ?


The best experiences in life are free!

Take this dare……….grab a sheet of paper and write down your most amazing life experiences and those people whom you have shared the most joy with. Get real with yourself – not those you are suppose to think are amazing – but only those that touch your heart and soul with an unexplainable sense of happiness.  While you are at it……..what about your favorite job, hobby or person you desire above all else to spend time with?

Next………..think carefully about how that person, place, thing, or event came into your life. 

Did you track it down, shoot it, bag it and drag it home through extreme measures of your own efforts?  Was there manipulation, struggle, mental or emotional warfare?


Did The Universe seem to bring it into your life as a gift you had desired and at times did not even know how to express that particular longing?

Every single time I have to say; the people, places and things which have touched my life the most profoundly, have come to me…pure and simple.  In contrast, those situations where I found it “necessary” to manipulate, manage, baby-sit, worry over, and force into compliance with my “agenda” or “box” or “way of life” have turned out disastrous – without exception.

I’m “over it” at a level in life that is hard to explain.  I’m over worrying about what other people think.  My life is more than half over at best and as I get better at allowing my life to unfold naturally, the happier I become.

Funny how we seem to make a big deal about that one “struggle scene” when a caterpillar breaks out of the cocoon and transforms into a butterfly.  Fact is – she “just was” a caterpillar for the opening scene…and she “just was” a butterfly for the remainder of her life.  The struggle part was simply a time of transition which allowed her to step into her mature-self and into all that she was called to be from the beginning.   

I want to allow more.
I want to struggle less.  

I want to stop being small, squeezed in a corner space of other’s expectations of my function in their belief of who I am.  I want to spread my wings and fly where the wind might take me scattering a bit of delight for those who choose to see me as I truly am.  

To some I will always appear as a wormy caterpillar of sorts and to others I will always be a beautiful butterfly in their perception.  

Fact is my reality and existence is not defined by another person’s opinion anyway. I just am.  I am just another expression of God living through me as me.    

I want to allow more goodness to flow to me and through me – as me

I am considering the delight in a natural wide smile as I say “I don’t get it? The most amazing opportunities, people and love just keeps showing up for me – I didn’t do anything but believe it is coming and then just allow it.” 

The best experiences in life are free – when I choose to allow them to come to me, and flow through me as me!


Two Fish or Not Two Fish , That is the Question

Valentine's Day is honestly followed too closely to the holidays and coupled with dreary winter days which may cause a female on her own for seven years to considering things in life like "plenty of fish" or the lack thereof.

Kudos to myself for practicing some self-love and having a plan for Valentine's Day which involved a stop at my local 'Goodwill Store' to shop for some items to go into the loft apartment I am envisioning for myself this summer.

Never have I found exactly the pillows and a few decorative items that were just right and "so me" to make my new place a home.  However, I got stumped.  I stood staring at a large fish bowl complete with pretty little rocks. I stood there for a while and contemplated the fact that I have not really been fully responsible for anything for 7 years now....maybe I should get a fish.

Sounds strange coming from someone who has raised chickens, turkey, guineas, dogs, cats, rabbits, pigs, horses, huge gardens and two kids....kids complete with homeschooling.  I guess I have learned to value my freedom a bit since the divorce.  Kids are grown  .....maybe it is time to get a fish and go fishing for a Mr. Right.

Heck it was Valentine's Day and I did at least catch myself and expand my thinking into a possible feng-shui of the large fish bowl - turn it into TWO fish, attracting a touch of Mr. Right into my future by chance so next year I might be at a place to expand my bubble from a fish or two....to a man.

Well, apparently the pressure was a little too much.  I left the stupid fish bowl at the store, am still petting a friend's cat and wondering if I should take the next step toward adult hood and take such a bold feng-shui risk at this time.

Two Fish, or not Two Fish.....that is my question.