Father's Day Card

To those who have the Father who maybe has abused you, left you as a child, rejected you as an adult, expected you to make up for those expectations he had of your mother. For those who have earthly fathers who left the family, or those who had fathers who were never home......you know what I'm talking about.  

This poem was written in one of my darker moments three years ago. Since then I have learned that these times DO PASS as we apply life lessons such as  

'The Fifth Agreement' by Don Miguel Riuz  
"Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

She knew.
She knew the moment she hung her head in shame before asking for help
That her father would reject her.
Blame her
Shame her for some real or imagined fault that led her to this place.
This time however the woman was stronger than the weaker child within
And when the shame came
Although she cried,
She stood tall within before
She uttered the words “I need to say goodbye now.”

No more.
No more blame.
No more shame.
No more whipping the abandoned child within for an adult decision that was forced upon her.

Today she is a woman.
Not only a woman but a survivor.
An abandoned child of a father who in more ways than one turned his back on her.

So who is this man she is calling Daddy?
Was he the one who held her as the hurts of life came?
Does she call him when the times get tough because she knows he will comfort her?
If out of a home, food and medicine will he be a strong hand that reaches out in the financial storm?
When her husband leaves will he affirm her as a capable, loveable strong woman who picked a weak man?

Daddy……… no……she does not have a daddy.
Those years are gone.
She does have a heavenly Father who wrapped a warm invisible blanket around her in the dead of night.
She has a Pappa  Bear who gives everything that a daughter truly needs.
She is not abandoned.

She has just come to the mirror of life
And the reflection has shown a woman who was ready to hear
The words that a child could not handle.

“I am sorry that things could not have been different.”

“I will always love you.”

A man knows his mind she has learned.
When a man says something….listen and believe him.
Her  birth father has said goodbye.

Let Go.
Let God.
Make peace with yourself and
Move on to the happiness and love within
It is more than enough.

Written by:
Debbie Kesley


If I Were To Wish Upon A Star

If I were to wish upon a star and my life looked like something idea it would look something like this...........

I would meet and marry my soul mate and experience the next half of life truly connected with someone I love, understand and admire for the first time in my life. This man would have put as much effort into his life work as I put into mine as trying to be a godly wife, mother and homeschool mom for 23 years. Because of this man's reputation before God and man I would be able to trust that he would always be a man of integrity and because of that trust feel safe in an unspoken dream.

The dream of being a helpmate. Funny that after what I have been through I would even consider that as an option but in my heart of hearts I currently desire the freedom to write and travel when he travels and meet different people who talk about life's issues. I want to write about all of those.

This man would have resources and the heart to help others and I could start ministry/housing centers for hurting women. Places where it is okay to cry or take a kick boxing class because if you don't work out the anger it will follow you into sickness and disease later on. Places where women come together for nutritious meals as opposed to sitting in front of a lonely television another night nibbling at whatever is still left in the refrigerator.

Is it possible to believe in a dream that was so tortured from past experience that the thought of resurrection seems almost lunatic? Is this possibly what the bible refers to when it speaks of "unless a seed fall to the ground and dies it cannot bear fruit"? Every dream, every day of 23 years of the last 42 years seemed to have died over night.

However in the death, the grief, the anger (even recent), the torturous shedding of layer after layer of ones very identity and belief system to the very core of my soul has been nothing shy of dying to ones' self.

Like the corn seed that somehow manages to sprout beneath the pile of cow squirt that has been burst upon it I am coming back. With the grace of God I have managed to peek my little fragile stem of self out of the cracked soil and reached for random rays of sunshine and sprinkles of rain. In the mist of seasons of drought I have still survived. Some of my kernels of harvest have indeed been dry but overall the harvest is looking strong.

Maybe the Master Gardener has just "rotated crops" when it comes to the man in my life when He took me from the hands of one poor, inattentive farmer and placed me in the future hands of another one who will invest in me as one who is capable of producing great yields not only in the Farmer's life but in the community at large.

If I were to wish upon a star..........................................

Written by Debbie Kesley