Feeling Of Numbness?

A scene from the movie Out Of the Woods:

[Setting.....the "crazy old Grandfather" has taken his 30 year old city-lawyer Grandson out into the woods and left him over night with the reminder of "If you were to get lost, how you find your way back"  The Grandfather excuses himself to go to the bathroom and leaves the Grandson out in the woods by himself. The Grandson finds his way back home the next morning and is livid with his Grandfather!]

Grandson: "If you are trying to kill me I wish you would go ahead and get it over with....I can't stand the suspense!"

Grandfather: "Trying to Kill you....? 

That's the last thing I was trying to do.

How did you feel last night?"

Grandpa grabs him by the blazer and yanks him forward into his face and asks "How do you feel now?"

Grandson: "What the hell are you talking about you raving lunatic?"
Grandpa slaps him across the face and grabs his shirt in both hands.... "listen..... last night you felt alive.....

you feel alive now...

last night you felt fear....

right now you are experiencing anger....

maybe for the first time you FEEL ALIVE.....

Kill you? ???

Hell....I just saved your miserable life!"

Wow...... how true that has been for God in my life. How many times have I been the Grandson in this story and how I have learned over time that "hell.....God was just saving my miserable life".......and yes.....over the last several years I have felt alive! 

I have accused my Maker of forsaking me, hurting me, not fulfilling His word to me and even hating me. 

All the while....He was just letting me die to myself, die to my preconceived ideas of what I thought was best for me and my children and most of all - dying to the image of me I thought He and the world wanted me to be.

No, the feeling of being alone and afraid was no fun. The anger that I had to work through took many months and years of counseling....many, many tears.....a few good friends and a lot of determination that I was going to only "rent" to this emotion...these feelings.
...but I absolutely refused to let it "own" a place in my heart or life. 

Funny how so many times now that I hear people are drawn to my smile.....my giggle. At times I surprise myself at how silly I can be....it bubbles over from inside of me. 

I have been to the depths of the "woods" and was mad as hell at God Himself for "leaving me there." Now I would not trade the experience for anything! 

I feel alive! 

Better yet....I am alive and able to see the deadness in others. Maybe..... just maybe a word of encouragement for them.....one moment in time when I am allowed to grab them and shake them up a little because I know that it is the only way out of the woods and I hope one day... they too might have giggles that bubble out from deep within or pray they dance like no one is watching because they really don't care if others watch... or not.....because they are dancing the dance of life!

Feeling the fire......and dancing the dance of Life......

Written by  Debbie Kesley