Do you love yourself?

Trust me when I say I was the most co-dependent person you could ever meet in my old way of thinking.  Now it is so much more enjoyable to be at a place of allowing myself to be whole – to choose loving thoughts and actions for me with less thoughts of fear.  

How many times growing up in the Bible belt South had the biblical mandate of “Love your neighbor as yourself” rang through my ears and yet the part of “as yourself” just got overlooked?  

I understand it now and that understanding has led to relationships that are so much more fulfilling!

A lesson that keeps crossing my path and has become the center of my thoughts is 

“Am I approaching this choice, this person, or this situation 

from a place of fear or of love?”

My intentions have been, and are continuing to be, re-set from a place deep within.  

This place listens to me – my feelings, my heart rate, the pit of my stomach, the set of my jaw, the muscles in my shoulders and the quality of my sleep.  

This place asks loving questions within such as: “how do you feel about this?”, “does this person speak from a place of love or of judgment?”, “is this what you want in your life?”, “do you deserve better?” “are you happy?”, “do you feel powerless in this?”  

After I stop to question myself, then comes time to address it from a place of love – love for me – as well as my ‘neighbor’.

Excuse the French, but I have to share a funny story. Recently I went to a huge country camp out party with my best friend who does not drink coffee. Well…I do….every morning. No coffee…no wakeee…and then the day goes downhill from there.  To go get coffee at the big house required a bit of time, and missing the quiet morning beside the river so I was procrastinating and had just asked him if he wanted any. Of course he made it a point to give me a hard time with some comment of if I needed coffee that badly why didn’t I make sure I brought some?  

Karma arrived in the form of a fellow camper who offered me a large coffee from his stash. Well, since I was the one who was obviously addicted to the coffee bean drug I did not consider offering my healthy friend any of the fresh hot brew.  A few minutes later he mentions that NOW he wished he had some.  At that point I offered him some of mine….he walks away …within a safe range and mumbles loud enough for me to barely hear him “that’s okay….stingy bitch.” 

He’s not the kind of person to say something like that to me so I replied “I’m sorry ….what did you say?” He turned red and repeated it with a hint of a grin.  I busted out laughing and in that wonderful  freeing moment forgot the clutch on my mouth and said “Oh my gosh! I think I just had an orgasm…….say it again!”  Now he really blushed, grinned and said it more loudly and we both just laughed.  I felt like someone had handed me the keys to a brand new car! 

Seriously……….in learning to let go of taking care of so much in life I had been referred to as a “stingy bitch” and in that moment there were no words that could have been sweeter to my ears.  He was of course just giving me a hard time but unknown to him…..those were words of healing…..deep words of healing and like a touch from heaven that reminded me I am learning to let go.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so in conclusion I want to share the first 3 years of my journey after the divorce in this photo.  Yes…..in letting go…….the weight began to come off but more importantly notice the eyes.  

Now, take a moment every day and ask your body – look in your eyes and allow the answer to come to you to the question “do you love yourself as much as you love your neighbor.”

3 year Transformation starting from right to left.

Written by Debbie Kesley

Remembering the Cocoon of Love

Safe, inviting, a place you never want to leave

Remember it and feel it now.

It is brilliant, warm and ever so peaceful!

Release does not begin to describe the sensation of

relaxation that is found in this place of belonging.

Trusting… total trust in the protective cocoon

that surrounds your very being.

Is it birth?

The first gasp of breath; the succumbing into

a new experience you have never entered into before:

the liberation from one place you have known and grown out of,

to be delivered into a new, mysterious dimension of expansion.

Is it creation?

The exhale of breath, the sexual orgasmic freeing from two

bodies that project an expansion of energy so intense

that a new life is created from that vibrational union –

releasing a new life into a cocooned womb of love.

Is it spiritual?

A transfer of Supreme, pure love so strong

it draws your breath away, as you yield into a

Presence so intense, warm and light- filled that

you never want to leave the cocoon that embraces your very soul.

Is it mystical?

Angel’s wings that enfold you after you have sobbed

your deepest, loneliest breath, before surrendering to a Higher Power;

simply to awaken later wrapped in an invisible blanket of protection 

so real you bask in it's comfort without a care in the world.

Is it death?

That exacting breath that gives up the physical suit

we call a body with all of its human limitations;

only to soar like the wind into a Spiritual form

which knows no boundaries.

Breath… release….total release before

Entering the place of presence,

where the love is most profoundly intense.

The cocoon of absolute protection where there is no place of fear

But Only of love – the purest existence of love.

Written by:

 Debbie Kesley

What if Divorce "Just Is" ??

What if divorce is not really “good” or “bad”?   

What if divorce “just is”?

Six years ago I took my pathetic, broken, weepy-sad-self to the beauty shop to get my hair done.  

While setting there the cosmetologist starts the chat with “so honey……..are you married?”

I replied, “I was married…….23 years.”  She asks, “to the same man?!?”

My answer, “Yes, but he has just filed for divorce.”   

She looks at me… smiles real purty… chomps her gum for a few seconds and says enthusiastically…………….

“Well honey…..congratulations…..you are about to have the best time of your life!!”   and then she proceeds to drape me with the black cloth which in my mind at that moment was another death yet to come….the death of my pretty hair because obviously this lady was ‘on crack’ and I was too emotionally weak to take a stand and walk out before allowing a crazy person to do my hair.

Today I am pleased to report that she did a great job on my hair and her prediction has indeed come true! 

True,    Divorce for me was like taking my big toe nail and slowly pulling it off with no pain killer. The shock, the raw emotions, the emotional pain and the break-up of the family I had built for my entire adult life was coming to an end.

However………..I have come to believe that I can no longer define it as “bad” because the tool of Divorce has brought more “good” into my life than any single one life event ever has.

My encouragement to ladies going through a divorce now is to

view the “ending” of a marriage as the “beginning” of a new journey. 

Take the time to go through each of the Stages of Grief……get counseling…..dial a friend…..rest….do whatever it takes to find forgiveness and then begin to write your new story where you are the Creator.

 

What things do you want to do? Where do you want to go?  Who do you want to make time for? What is it you have never done for yourself because you were dividing your time with a spouse?

We all have the power to choose our thoughts and to direct our energies.  Those thoughts turn into actions and our actions are the basic building blocks for our life (Our Story). 

Release the old married story and think of yourself as Pure Possibility while considering the ideal that maybe 

Divorce 

is not 

“good” 

or 

“bad” 

but 

maybe it 

“just is” 

the tool 

placed lovingly 

into your hand 

by 

The Universe. 

That tool can be used to Build or Bash ……..  either way….

it is in your hand now 

and you are the Creator.  

See me now girlfriend…..chomping gum…..smiling real purty at you with eyes that know……..

I am saying

  Congratulations Honey!!!   

you are Pure Possibility and 

you 

are about to create 

the time of YOUR life!

Written by  Debbie Kesley

Held Hostage by Thoughts or Other Shackles?

Part of the definition of Shackles is : anything that restrains freedom of expression or action.

What area of your life is currently holding you hostage?

Shackles come to us women in many different forms, some of which may be:

*Our past that needs to be healed.

*Emotionally or physically abusive relationships.

*Personal drugs or alcohol abuse.

*Sexual addiction.

*Lack of eduction.

*Fear of the unknown.

*Fear of failure.

*Fear of success.

*Poverty.

*Obese shells hiding the beautiful inner self.

*The voice between our own ears.

........ the list varies from one unique individual to the next.

However, as unique women we are also innately designed with the ability to remove the shackles that have us bound.

For instance, a friend and I were talking this morning about temper. I lost mine yesterday for the first time in over 2 years and I did not like the way I felt about myself after the fact. My particular situation requires of me to occasionally lay down my silly, sunny, sweet disposition and pick up the red lipstick again. The red lipstick is the emotional tool I need to bring out the Pitbull from within myself for a little "back off buddy action". I refer to myself during those necessary standoffs as "A pitbull with lipstick."

Generally the Pitbull Within is only called upon for my personal survival rings in life. Determination is my Pitbull's name and winning is her game! If you try to put a collar, leash, fenced in yard or any other restraint on Determination to restrict her freedom of expression or action......... there is going to be a fight!

Ladies, it can be a fight that is sometimes won with one simple "NO" at a time. NO...to emotionally or abusive relationships. NO...to Sexual, drug or alcohol abuse. NO...to the voice in your head that tells you an opinion of someone else's lie.

Sometimes we can win our freedom by saying YES! YES...I owe it to myself to get counseling to let go of pain that is still requiring some healing. YES...to taking one class at a time until I have the education to make a dream come true for myself. YES...to jumping arms wide open into the world of the unknown chance of success. YES...to a job that may challenge me but take me to a world of greater wealth. YES...to walking and counting calories to really feel good in my own skin and clothes.

You and I are the not alone in this Journey called Life!


Written by  Debbie Kesley

"We come to recognize that God is unlimited in supply and that everyone has equal access." Julia Cameron


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s7QNpqiqsc&feature=autoplay&list=PL9F2C06F0D35E91ED&index=2&playnext=2

Removing the Shackles,

PS:  Movie I recommend:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0422093/  Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Feeling Of Numbness?

A scene from the movie Out Of the Woods:

[Setting.....the "crazy old Grandfather" has taken his 30 year old city-lawyer Grandson out into the woods and left him over night with the reminder of "If you were to get lost, how you find your way back"  The Grandfather excuses himself to go to the bathroom and leaves the Grandson out in the woods by himself. The Grandson finds his way back home the next morning and is livid with his Grandfather!]

Grandson: "If you are trying to kill me I wish you would go ahead and get it over with....I can't stand the suspense!"

Grandfather: "Trying to Kill you....? 

That's the last thing I was trying to do.

How did you feel last night?"

Grandpa grabs him by the blazer and yanks him forward into his face and asks "How do you feel now?"

Grandson: "What the hell are you talking about you raving lunatic?"
Grandpa slaps him across the face and grabs his shirt in both hands.... "listen..... last night you felt alive.....

you feel alive now...

last night you felt fear....

right now you are experiencing anger....

maybe for the first time you FEEL ALIVE.....

Kill you? ???

Hell....I just saved your miserable life!"
Wow...... how true that has been for God in my life. How many times have I been the Grandson in this story and how I have learned over time that "hell.....God was just saving my miserable life".......and yes.....over the last several years I have felt alive! 

I have accused my Maker of forsaking me, hurting me, not fulfilling His word to me and even hating me. 

All the while....He was just letting me die to myself, die to my preconceived ideas of what I thought was best for me and my children and most of all - dying to the image of me I thought He and the world wanted me to be.

No, the feeling of being alone and afraid was no fun. The anger that I had to work through took many months and years of counseling....many, many tears.....a few good friends and a lot of determination that I was going to only "rent" to this emotion...these feelings....but I absolutely refused to let it "own" a place in my heart or life. 

Funny how so many times now that I hear people are drawn to my smile.....my giggle. At times I surprise myself at how silly I can be....it bubbles over from inside of me. 

I have been to the depths of the "woods" and was mad as hell at God Himself for "leaving me there." Now I would not trade the experience for anything! 

I feel alive! 

Better yet....I am alive and able to see the deadness in others. Maybe..... just maybe a word of encouragement for them.....one moment in time when I am allowed to grab them and shake them up a little because I know that it is the only way out of the woods and I hope one day... they too might have giggles that bubble out from deep within or pray they dance like no one is watching because they really don't care if others watch... or not.....because they are dancing the dance of life!

Feeling the fire......and dancing the dance of Life......

Written by  Debbie Kesley

Ownership of Fear (or) Ownership of Faith.....that is the question.....

That statement is so simple but yet so profound .

Six years ago, in one fell statement,  I became unemployed, an empty nester, homeless, divorced and without a church family  in a decision that was totally outside of my control and influence.  Those I ate with, educated, slept with, played with, cooked for, worshiped with, cleaned up after and centered my life around were no longer in the "life as I knew it" category.

D-Day (Divorce Day) had paid an unexpected visit at my doorsteps and left a bomb that set off the last 23 years of my life. My entire adult life that is.  Gone......gone like 9-11 gone....up in smoke. Do not pass Go....do not collect $200 gone. Decision made, no discussion, no warning......just gone.

Honestly, I believed that my  strong 'Faith' would solve it all.  I even remember being so pissed-off in the shower that I challenged the devil himself to hit me with his best shot .......and he did. (not recommended for those viewers at home).

Since that time I have had to re-adjust a lot of "faith views" in my life.  My faith has been renewed to include the Right and Perfect outcome in situations - even through divorce - or even because of divorce but honestly there was still some remnant of fear that has lingered beneath the surface.

The fear of loss.

I know this because in the Universe of Restoration, my now adult kids are sometimes used as reminders that not all was truly lost.  My daughter and I have actually ended up on the same faith journey in a lot of ways and we talk about what our experiences, faith and fears are.  Recently we were having time together at a Mexican Diner and talking and she looked at me with her Empathic Abilities and said, "Mom ....do you think you have a fear of loss?"

Bingo.........she nailed it on the head......a fear that I had not even knew existed until the tears started rolling out of no where. Like a mini-near death experience and in a flash I realized that I had not taken out this emotional piece of garbage.  I saw those 23 years flash before my eyes and the loss that came with it.  That perception of reality was stinking up every positive affirmation I was working towards in my life.

The intensity of the moment surprised her as much as it did me I believe.  But we seized that moment and squeezed all the juice out of it we could.  I wanted her to write it down because I was too busy trying on my sunglasses and looking for kleenex!

"You have every right to have complete ownership of all that you desire - there is no room for fear of it being taken away because your life is so incredibly abundant!"  Kesley Faye

Those words have haunted me for the last couple of months and I find myself asking if I am making job search choices, friendship choices and life choices based out of fear or the faith of a Universe that is so incredibly abundant?

Choices out of plenty or out of want?

It changes the entire dynamics of the question of what we truly want whether we are looking at the question from a fear based lens or a faith based lens.

I want to live NO FEAR - GOT FAITH!

Written by  Debbie Kesley

The Release

                                                      













The Release, A Poem for my Ex

As I have come to see people and

Situations along my path

As those experiences to

Learn from and embrace........

I see you in a different light.

And in that light of

Faith and pureness of

A plan that is bigger than

You and I ……..

I open my hands.

I open my hands to release

Any and all emotions that

Are not worthy of  

God’s blessings for you and

The Infinite’s best for me.

I open my heart to set

You free to find those

People and those experiences

That will make you the happiest you can be.

And in doing so …….with future blessings.

I release you and I release me.

Written by Debbie Kesley 01/27/11